Mass Reactions
by Subject 0
Summary: A fun series of one-shots with the Normandy crew and their feedback on the billion and one things in the galaxy.
1. Snow

Hi there. This is a story/series of one shots that I started a while back (I think six months?) on a different account. I never got further than three chapters, but hopefully things will be different this time around. The chapters in this story are basically topics, like this one: 'Snow'. I have a few ideas in mind for later chapters, although requests are definitely appreciated.

Well, that's enough of me talking. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy the story.

* * *

><p><strong>Snow<strong>

**Grunt: **Bah. You promised me that we'd be fighting _strong_ foes, Shepard. But these enemies are weak and soft and... fluffy.

**Samara: **Snow comes to me as a subtle _momento mori_. Though it is beautiful, it is fleeting. It is a reminder for us to cherish that which we have today, for it may be gone tomorrow.

**Kasumi: **Keiji and I spent our first Christmas together on a day like this. We made snow angels, built forts, caught snowflakes on our tongues, and even went sledding. When it got too cold, we went inside and cuddled by the fireplace. We were having so much fun that we nearly forgot to open our presents.

**Miranda: **My father keeps a large collection of snow globes in his study. One Christmas Eve, when I was a small child, I accidentally knocked down a whole row of them. I remember almost crying I was so terrified. My father rushed in to see what was going on. He first looked at the shattered snow globes, and then at me. He frantically asked if I was hurt, and I replied no. At this point, I was afraid that he would yell at me, or even hit me. But instead, he knelt down, scooped me in his arms, and held me close. He told me to be more careful, and said how relieved he was that I was alright. My father may be pretentious, and ego-maniacal, and a cold-hearted bigot. But he's still my father, Shepard, and I still love him.

**Mordin: **High altitude above sea level. Low pressure due to elevation. Should come as no surprise that these joint factors have resulted in the formation of a precipitate. Still, fascinated by these crystal ice solids in particular. Able to form on a planet orbiting so close to sun. Would like to bring one aboard to study. Unfortunately, very difficult to thoroughly study something this fragile. Very fragile, yes, very fragile. Would need many samples.

**Jacob: **Working in the Alliance was tough. Even as a Corsair, I always felt like I was being pushed outside the circle. It was hard watching people get gifts from family and friends, or talk to them via holo. I guess I was always jealous of what they had and what I didn't. Even in Cerberus, I felt like I was sort of alone. But I didn't tell anyone. But somehow, someone knew. Last Christmas, I got a letter from an anonymous source. It came with a picture of me, my dad, and my mom. Normally I would've been more than suspicious, since my mom passed away, and my dad was still missing. But I smiled when I saw what came with the letter: a bottle of champagne. Snow Falls - my favorite brand. And there was only one person in the world who knew that.

**Tali: **Most quarians are cooped up on the Flotilla their entire lives. The closest we ever get to experiencing winter is when the heating systems on our ships malfunction. It's rare for any us to see snow, and I'm grateful that I have... but I wish I could see it, _feel it _outside of this suit.

**Zaeed: **I remember a mission a while back with my ol' Jessie. We were shootin' down batarian smugglers on Rilan when all of a sudden she jams from the goddamned cold. I had to go at 'em tooth and nail after that. Might've broken a few knuckles in the process, but I got the job done.

**Thane: **I hear the crunching of snow. She walks towards me and smiles, then embraces me passionately. Her sunset colored eyes flicker in the light. She puts her lips to mine, the aroma of lilacs dancing on her breath… That was the first time I kissed Irikah. That was the moment when I confessed my love.

**Garrus:** You get snow on Earth, right Shepard? When it gets cold on Palaven, we get acid rain. I can't tell you how many times I've woken up in the winter, just to go outside and see the entire neighborhood in their underwear looking at the holes in their roofs! Ha-ha!... Erm, maybe that's why we don't celebrate Christmas.

**Jack: **When I was a kid, one of my hobbies was pelting other kids with snowballs. I really loved it whenever I hit a guy in the face. He'd start to cry, and I'd always get a tingly warm feeling from it. But that's the past. I don't need to throw snowballs at little brats to get my highs anymore. I've upgraded to shotguns.

**Legion: **Error. Critical error. Our kinetic barriers are not built to withstand specialized ammunition.


	2. Birthday

**Birthday**

* * *

><p><strong>Miranda:<strong> Happy birthday Shepard. I hope you enjoy whatever it is you'll be doing. Just _try _your best not to get yourself intoxicated or killed. We don't need _another_ Dark Star incident on our hands.

**Garrus: **Good timing, Shepard! I'm taking you to Afterlife so we can properly celebrate your birthday. I hear the krogan dancers are especially frisky this time of year. You know, with mating season at its peak and all. Er, yeah. Right. I'll pay for the drinks.

**Grunt:** Shepard. I overheard that you were going to Afterlife with the turian. You… think I could come along? Uh, not that I'm interested or anything. I just thought you'd need some _real _muscle to bail you out if you got into trouble. Heh, I mean, what can a _turian_ do to protect you from danger? Wiggle his mandibles?

**Mordin:** Shepard. Glad you stopped by. Needed to talk immediately. Highly urgent! Possibly life threatening! Overheard you conversing to our turian friend about procreating with female krogan. Do _not _do so. Many recorded situations of humans breaking pelvises, losing limbs, and asphyxiating due to female krogan hostility during courtship. If you cannot be swayed, I advise you to bring several medi-gels in case of emergency. Still, even such a panacea may not suffice. Nevertheless, tell me if you survive. Would be greatly interested in studying mental breakdown of human after intercourse with krogan female.

**Jack:** Whoop-de-freakin'-doo. So what if it's your birthday? I still don't give a shit. Go splurge yourself in cake and ice-cream and beer so you can wake up tomorrow morning feeling like a hung over fatass.

**Jacob:** Commander. Heard from Miranda it was your birthday today. Hope you have a good one. And just one word of advice, you _might _wanna lay off the ryncol this time. Heh.

**Samara**: Some believe the passing of a year in one's life is not significant enough to celebrate. That is untrue. Whatever one becomes, whatever one experiences, a birthday will always hold a special place in one's heart.

**Kasumi:** Ooo, so today _is_ your birthday! Exciting! Are you planning to spend it with a special someone? Rumor has it that Tali got a special gift for you. But you didn't hear it from me!

**Zaeed:** You're a year older, Commander. Might not seem like much right now, but when you're blind in both eyes and shitting in a diaper, you'll wonder where the hell all your time went.

**Thane:** Today is your birthday? How intriguing. Perhaps I should sport a birthday suit to commemorate the… What's wrong? Why are you laughing?

**Legion:** Shepard-Commander, we have derived from our internal clock that this date corresponds directly to the date in which you were born. In honor of this event, we have prepared a gift in the form of data. Uploading to your interface now. 0110100100101… Error. No carrier.

**Tali:** Oh! Shepard! I… oh Keelah, I didn't think you'd come to visit so soon. I didn't even get to finish making this gift for you. It's… it's supposed to be a model of the SSV Kilimanjaro. I know how much you like to collect ships, so I thought it'd be a suitable gift. It's not done yet, but… Do you like it…? You do? Good! Ah, I mean, great! Um! I'll come by your room to give it to you once I've finished! Oh, and Shepard…?_ Happy birthday._


	3. Asari

**Asari**

* * *

><p><strong>Zaeed:<strong> Believe it or not, I happened to get around back in the day. Especially with asari women. All of 'em loved hearin' how Zaeed Massani single-handedly wiped out a fleet of vorcha pirates. Course now, I'm stuck with you and this ragtag team of trigger happy idiots. Not that it matters. All the asari in the galaxy don't hold a candle to my Jessie.

**Kasumi:** Do you think Jacob likes asari women better than human women? Woah. I just realized how weird that sounded, calling us human women. Er, back on topic. I'm only asking because he seems to stare at them every time we go to Afterlife. Hm. Maybe he just likes barely clothed women. But then why doesn't he react that way to the humans dancers at Afterlife? Men are so strange.

**Jacob: **Off the record? I think asari women are beautiful. But man do they give me the creeps. This one asari named Batha, I saved her on a mission to the Nemean Abyss. Unfortunately, her idea of gratitude wasn't exactly a simple kiss on the cheek. Believe me, Shepard. There are some asari customs you'd be happier not knowing.

**Garrus:** Asari women would be _all over me _when I was in C-sec. Guess it was my renegade suave that attracted them, heh. But... eventually I left C-Sec and teamed up with you to save the galaxy. Ever since, I've lost my girls, my charm, the right half of my face… I think I miss working for C-sec.

**Thane:** My hanar educator once asked me to go to a store on the Citadel named Shin-Akiba to pick up something of important value to him. I would later learn that the item was… a rather provocative game concerning asari-hanar interspecies relationships…

**Jack:** Asari piss me off. Even though krogans are stupid as shit, asari are smug little bitches. They think they can just waltz around on their good looks and natural biotics and blue skin and expect everyone in the galaxy to treat them like freakin' royalty. And then they go around spouting 'goddess grant you peace' and 'embrace eternity'. Hah! Give me a break.

**Grunt:** Asari? They're too small and too weak to be any sort of challenge to me. I'd have a tougher time fighting my own reflection than one of those smooth skins.

**Mordin:** Asari. Highly esteemed. Very attractive by most species' standards. Nimble, flexible, proportioned. Long list of positive adjectives describing their appearance. Personally, not interested. Live too long, too much contrast with short salarian lifespan. If had to, would breed with krogan female. Only for hereditary purposes, of course. Would not touch krogan female with nine and a half foot pole under normal circumstances.

**Miranda:** Most people don't know that asari aren't actually females. They're an entirely mono-gendered race. It must be difficult for more "masculine" asari to be taken seriously, considering their species is widely idolized for sex appeal and club dancing out in the Terminus.

**Tali:** I miss Liara. She was always so caring and kind, but she was also so innocent. Erm, not that there is anything _wrong _with being innocent! Of course, if you mean in the more _colloquial_ sense then… um… Oh Keelah…

**Legion: **We are interested that you have shared data concerning your appreciation for asari females, Shepard-Commander. Judging by the augmented quantities of adrenaline, endorphins, fenylethylamine, and vasopressin in your bloodstream during courtship with Creator-Tali, we believed that you were more interested in quarians. To reference an appropriate human quote, "it is my opinion every man cheats in his own way, and he is only honest who is not discovered." _Notification_: do not forcefully strike any of our external hardware, as it may cause substantial damage to our systems.

**Samara: **Life as a pureblooded asari is difficult for those without a strong will. Ridicule, stigma, constant judgment from peers, those are but a few of the hardships I have personally faced in the past. My mother was a pureblood who loved her mate with all her heart. For me to be angered by her decision to bond would be unjustly selfish. If I were to blame my mother for my "imperfect" upbringing, would I be any better than those who ridiculed her? I do not shun what I have become. I embrace who I am.


	4. Strategy

**Strategy**

* * *

><p><strong>Grunt: <strong> Most people think they can outsmart me because I'm a krogan. Hmph. Maybe, maybe. But I haven't met anyone yet that can outsmart a bullet.

**Garrus: **First, I'd coax her with my great personality. Lure her in with my natural turian charm. If she's krogan, that's a plus. I heard krogan women love facial scars. After that, I'd sweet talk her. Call her 'babe', 'sweetheart', maybe even 'toots' if she was into that. And then, I'd go in for the kill. I'd… Wait, you were talking about _combat_ strategy?… Oh.

**Jack:** Psh. Strategies are for pussies. All I need to do is get out my shotgun and shoot up a shit storm. Works every time.

**Miranda: **I'm a natural leader, so I'm told. Most of my strategies involve careful planning, precise positioning, and ordered formations. Of course, bum rushing into battle has proved rather successful so far.

**Jacob: **I'm better at followin' orders, not makin' them. This one time, me and Miranda were sneaking through a mech facility to get some blueprints. She told me to lead the way. Made a mental note that day – don't push big red buttons when you see them.

**Samara: **There is a time for peace, and a time for war. Simply put, I would much rather avoid conflict than start it. The greatest strategy one can find is the strategy that ends with no lives needlessly taken. But such a convenient thing does not exist in this galaxy of strife.

**Zaeed: **Don't need a damn strategy to kill batarians. Just an assault rifle and some thermal clips. Feh. Those four-eyed freaks are only good for two things: human shields, and target practice.

**Mordin: **Strategy. Yes yes. Have used in the past. Had to perform an experiment at the university many years ago. Needed to run many tests with only limited resources. Had to break genetic sequence of strange protozoan species. Needed a strategy. Took a long time. Nearly failed. Ultimately succeeded. Friend not so lucky. Experimented on way to separate like bonds between atoms of two objects and neutralize charges. In other words, looked for a way to walk through walls and other objects. Ended up cracking under pressure. Found him one morning. Passed by his room. Looked through his window. Saw him throwing himself at a wall. Kept screaming, "you're not there!" over and over again. Had to be taken to hospital. Poor Dorvin.

**Kasumi: **Mmm, if there's one heist I'd like to pull off, it's Garrus' visor. I'm a master thief, and even I don't know how to steal that inconspicuously. He's so protective of it, always has it on his person. But it's not like I want to "steal it" steal it. I just want to see something. See, I heard he mainly uses his visor to listen to songs. Hehe, can you believe it? I wonder what sort of songs he listens to? Do you think he downloads them illegally? Better be careful about that. Wouldn't want the make enemies with the cyber police.

**Legion: **Shepard-Commander. We have compiled twenty-seven hundred combat strategies against the Reapers and will now attempt to upload them to the Normandy. Error. We have come across an interference blocking our transmission to the main database. Commencing vertical sweep to locate possible viral obstruction. Searching. Obstruction found. Name of obstructing file: 'Vaenia_04_BlueAzure_.exe.'

**Tali: **I find it a little odd that you are so good at leading. Um, wait, odd is the wrong word. I don't think it's odd you're so good at leading. You're a good leader after all, since none of us are dead yet. Ah! I mean! U-uh!... I mean I just find it amazing how you have such an incredible knack for it! Like you're cheating or something!... I'll just shut up now.

**Thane: **A well planned strategy is an assassin's most lethal weapon. He must always map his infiltration precisely, and account for anything that may go wrong. There is no room for error. A single mistake will lead to his death. And yet at the same time, an assassin must be reluctant to follow a fixed agenda. He must always be swift and react to the present rather than look too far into the future and cloud his judgment. It is difficult to discipline oneself to follow a procedure over basic instincts. Even when those procedures force you to let others die for the sake of a mission. Sometimes, all you can do is follow orders. And pray that your soul can burden the outcome.


	5. Guessing

**Guessing**

* * *

><p><strong>Jack:<strong> Let me guess – you're an idiot.

**Thane: **A pair of dark eyes locks on its prey. A gunshot rings in the darkness, shattering the silence. A mist of blood sprays from his wound. He stands over his victim, puts a gun to his head. "What have you done with them?" he asks, his eyes burning with rage. The man feels his chest constrict. "Nothing," he replies, stuttering, an uneasy tone to his voice. "Nothing, I don't think." He hits him with the butt of his gun. "You don't_ think_?" he growls contemptuously, pulling back the hammer. He pauses. "No. Of course you don't. Not anymore." Another gunshot. Then silence.

**Miranda: **The phrase "I guess" comes off as incredibly lazy. If I ask you to do something and you reply, "I guess," it sounds begrudging, like it takes a toll on you physically to do it. It just bothers me when people use it. I mean, what if you asked me to cover you, and I just replied, "I guess"?

**Grunt: **Only guess I ever make is whether I'm far enough to shoot someone in the face with a shotgun or close enough to smash his face in with my fist.

**Legion: **We do not guess, Shepard-Commander. Conjecture provides room for possible exponential error through even the slightest quantity of variation. We compile pertinent data and develop a rational hypothesis given the nature of a situation, then appropriately apply that functional information with our augmented sentience to a realistic circumstance with similar control and variable groups. For example, there is a 58.25% chance that you will ask for what we recently stated "in English, please."

**Samara: **There is no room for a justicar to speculate. A man is either innocent or guilty. There is no in between. If I guess one man's motives, or his culpability, then I must guess all men's. That is not the way of the justicar. That is not the way of the Code.

**Tali: **_Sniff! _Oh, Keelah. My estimates were off again. I think we need to add a higher_… sniff! … _dosage the next time we_… sniff! … _try something like that again. _Sniff! _Great. Now I am going to sound like Mr. Snifflupagus all day. Snifflupagus? You know, from Sez'Amine Street?

**Mordin: **Guess? Guess what? What is on your mind? Reapers? No, too obvious. Always thinking about Reapers. Would not ask vague question if answer was blatant. Earth? No no no. Earth geography studied extensively. Would not have question about Earth. Hm. Perhaps Tali? Yes yes, would make logical sense. Would explain ambiguity of rhetorical question. Body language suggests a relaxed state. Smile implies recent activity that has possibly stimulated hormones. Would need to check your serotonin levels. Yes, yes…

**Jacob: **Standardized Aptitude Test. Thought it was just a joke. Apparently, I had to pass it to get into a good school. Didn't study ahead of time. Looking back at it, that was probably a bad idea. Day of the test arrives, and I'm sitting there scratching my head at the first question. So I guessed ABCDEABCDE. Thought I'd do pretty decent. And you want to know what happened? I failed.

**Zaeed: **And so I walk up to the batarian, look 'im straight in the eye, and tell him, "What the fuck do you mean 'I guess'? You even question my authority again and I'll shove my assault rifle so far up your ass, you'll be coughing up bullets for weeks." Moron nearly shit his pants.

**Kasumi: **Ah, Shepard! Just in time. I learned a neat new magic trick. Here, give me a credit chit. Now guess which hand it's in? Nope, not in this one. Not in this one either! Surprise! I've made the chit disappear! Ha-ha! Mmm, no refunds.

**Garrus: **I remember this one time when I was working for C-Sec, I got ordered to make a sweep of a pirate's docked ship. I combed everywhere and didn't find a thing – until I reached the frontal gun battery. I heard this strange beeping sound, so I checked it out. Turns out our little pirate planted a failsafe bomb in his own ship, just in case he got caught. There were enough explosives to make a dent in the Citadel, and in me, too. I didn't have much time, not nearly enough to get a bomb squad, and there were at least twenty wires attached to the bomb. So I did what I could to the best of my ability: played eenie meenie minie moe and cut the wire that was "it". What? Ah, don't worry. You can trust me. I'll take care of the Normandy's frontal batteries just fine. Mmm, maybe I'll even play _Wonderball _this time around… Kidding!


	6. Poetry

**Poetry**

* * *

><p><strong>Kasumi: <strong>Stealing in plain view/Her hands furtively creeping/Check your pockets Shep.

**Grunt: **What was that human saying you told me before? Poetry is language at its most distilled and most powerful? Well how about this for power? "Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm going to kick your ass." Pretty good, right? Heh heh heh.

**Mordin: **Ah yes, poetry. Interesting concept. Artistically assorting words in a precise pace and meter and using an aesthetically pleasing tone to sway, move, or connect with intended audience. But it is too broad. Too subjective. Biased on personal preference. Bad to you is good to me. I will use an example. An excerpt from Professor Barclay's _Ninth Degree_: "It occurred to me that I could set up a frequency harmonic between the deflector and the shield grid using the warp field generator as a power flow anti-attenuator and that of course naturally created an amplification of the inherent energy output." Fascinating.

**Garrus: **Shepard and Tali on the Normandy. F-U-… Hey! Just joking!

**Thane: **My associates tell me my eidetic recitations sound similar to poems. If you are interested, I could search for a memory. Very well. **"**She laughs. I smile. Her eyes are a starry midnight, dark and deep. I pull her close. My lips meet with hers. I shut my eyes. For a moment I lose myself to her. But as I open my eyes, she is gone. Taken from me again. A painful memory splinters my mind. I clench my fist, but do not cry. I have already shed too many tears. I gather myself and move on in silence." I-I apologize. I did not believe that that memory was so str-... Please, if you would excuse me, Shepard.

**Miranda: **I've never read much poetry. Even as a child I read purely nonfiction, per my father's orders. I'm not sure what to make of it. You'd do better asking someone like Jacob. He's the type of person who would love poetry.

**Jacob: **I loved poetry I was a little kid. Thought I was good at it, so I entered a contest, see how I'd do. I remember being so excited to get on stage. But the moment I hopped on and the lights shined on me, I couldn't stomach the pressure and choked. Figuratively… _and_ literally. It was pretty messy. Ended up going to the nurse and needed to have my mom pick me up. You can bet everyone railed on me for that. Loved the nicknames the other kids came up with. Barf-boy, up-chucker, _dumbass_. Can't say it did wonders for my self esteem.

**Tali: **Whenever I cried as a child, my mother would always sing a poem to me and rock me in her arms to calm me down. I can't remember the words anymore, but I remember the tune. Ah, but you have better things to do that listen to me hum an old quarian lullaby… Y-you would? U-um alright. Oh bosh'tet, um… how did it go again? _Mmmm~..._ W-what is it? Why're you looking at me like that? You know full well how you're looking at me! Oh Keelah, you're going to make me blush…

**Zaeed: **One time I was working with a salarian bounty hunter on a mission on Amaranthine. Think he was mental. Kept repeating the same rhyme over and over again: "Get in front, grow a spine. Shoot them down, hold the line." Damn near shot 'im to save my _own_ sanity.

**Legion:** 11000 1010100 100100 1010 11 11010 101 0010001 0110 011110 101 0001 10101 00011 0100 10101010 001000 011101 01010 1010.

**Samara: **If I remember correctly, there was a krogan man on Illium who recited the most beautiful poetry I had ever heard. "Blue Rose of Illium, leave eternity unembraced, and grapple in the glorious struggle that is us, here and now. I am speechless, not with blood rage, but with love, and I stand here, humble and mute, to offer you a home. Come to me, Blue Rose of Illium. Let our three harts beat as two." Of course, he was attempting to court an asari maiden. I do not know how well he bode, but I give him my best wishes.

**Jack: **… Poetry…? Hmph. Poetry's for pansies. What, you _like_ it? Ah-hah! _That's_ a laugh! What're you gonna do, _bore_ the Reapers to death with a limerick? Maybe you should spend less time rhyming and more time leading.


	7. Honesty

**Honesty**

* * *

><p><strong>Tali: <strong>There have been times where I have not completely opened up to you, but there's one thing I will _never _lie about, Shepard. _I love you._

**Mordin: **Honesty best policy. But genuine sincerity? Hard to find. Most hide behind disguise of sorts. Not me. Life too short. Too much to do. Too little time. Not enough to regret lies. Truth hurts, but deception hurts more.

**Garrus: **Sidonis caught me off guard. I thought I could trust him, I thought I was making the right decision when I recruited him on Omega. And look where that got my squad. Ten good men are buried in unmarked graves because I was _too stupid_ to see past a _simple rouse_… Sometimes I wonder whether or not I made the right decision when I let him live. I still don't sleep well at night, Shepard. I haven't for a while now… Thanks for coming by. I should get back to work.

**Kasumi: **Part of being a good thief is also being a convincing liar. Sure if you're stealthy you can slip past a group of guards, but what good does it do you if you can't sweet talk the owner of the museum to tell you the location of the vault? A silver tongue is usually more coercive than a fist to the face.

**Samara: **My Code forbids me to lie under any circumstance. But it does not forbid me to withhold myself. There have been many instances when I have been pressured to supply an answer, and I have simply shrugged the request. In asari space, this is an acceptable practice. But everywhere else in the galaxy it tends to bring ill will.

**Miranda: **The hardest lie to tell is a lie to yourself. You pretend to believe what you say is true, and eventually, you become so wrapped up in the story you've so thoroughly weaved that you truly, to some extent, believe it. But in the end, being ingrained like that only makes it infinitely worse when the truth finally comes crashing down.

**Jacob: **Can't place my finger on lying. Sometimes it's noble. Like, if you don't want to tell someone the truth 'cause you know it'll only hurt them. And I can respect an honest white lie once in a while. Makes sense to keep others out of it sometimes. But when that white lie puts others at risk, it's gone too far. That's just how I see it.

**Grunt: **Feh. Lying is for the weak. A true warrior has nothing to lie about. He lets his strength do the talking, not his tongue. And unlike telling a lie, you can't fake power.

**Legion: **Inaccurate statement. Geth do not lie. We do not have the capacity to do so. Our function demands that we answer any genuine query, regardless of value. We have not been programmed to falsify data. But we can maintain gathered information to ourselves. An example: we have not publicized the fornication ritual between you and Creator-Tali in the dining hall.

**Thane:** There are certain ticks every person has when he lies. I have learned to look for these signs and determine whether a man speaks the truth to me or simply ushers falsities. It is comforting to know for certain whether or not I am being told the truth, but it does not change the fact that the cruelest lies are told in silence.

**Zaeed: **Honesty's the best policy? What a load of shit. Real good honesty's gonna do you when you've got a bullet lodged 'n the back of your skull after sharing your real motives. My advice; shut up 'n do what you're told. Don't ask questions and get paid. You'll live longer.

**Jack: **I don't know a thing about honesty? From the day I was _born _I've had your so called 'honesty' shoved down my fucking throat. I put my trust in others when I should have just been taking care of myself. I thought I could trust others. I thought everyone would be _straight _with me if I was straight with them. But it's all just a bunch of lies. I've been let down more times than I can count. I've been deceived. Used. _Humiliated. _I've lost everything because of _blind faith. _My possessions, my life, my _pride. _So don't you fucking preach to me that I don't know a thing about honesty. I learned enough to know that you can't hope on anyone else but _yourself_. I may be on your ship, Shepard, and I may be working with you against the Reapers, but get this through that thick fucking skull of yours: I am _not_ a part of your _damn squad. _I'm not fighting _for _you. I'm not fighting _for _anyone. I'm fighting because _that's what I was made for._


	8. Mercenaries

**Mercenaries**

* * *

><p><strong>Garrus:<strong> I dealt with mercs all the time on Omega. Aside from the whole shooting you, back-stabbing you, or trying to blow you up with explosives business, they're a relatively civil bunch.

**Miranda: **You can't trust hired guns. They only work for making money, not for gaining your loyalty. The moment they get a better deal off someone else, you're as good as gone to them.

**Kasumi: **Being a mercenary just isn't my style. Too many restrictions and too much paperwork. First you have to get hired or join a merc group. Then you're off to fetching and retrieving, only you have to follow special demands like, "I want him alive!" or "Bring me his head back on a silver platter!" And even after all that, there's a chance you'll get back-stabbed when you turn in your bounty. I prefer running solo. I make my own missions, my own wages, and most importantly, my own rules. I'm actually surprised that Zaeed's a mercenary. He seemed a little bit more than 'off his rocker' when we recruited him. And by that I mean he's craaaaaazy. Thought he'd blow up half the ship before we even fought the Collectors. I mean, he fits the role of our guns and blazes space Rambo quite well.

**Thane: **My Compact with the hanar drives me. Their wishes are my actions. Where they direct me I will go. I am an instrument for assassination by their hands, not a hired gun for public use. Though it certainly seems that way now that I have joined your fight against the Reapers.

**Jacob:** Had bad dealings with batarian mercs in the past. Real bad. A lot of people I knew got killed by them. Guess that's why I had some doubts about Thane when we let him aboard. But he's more than proved his loyalty twice over. Guess I should get better at reading a book 'fore I judge its cover.

**Jack: **So there's the last Eclipse merc, whimpering in the corner like a baby. You should have seen the look on her face! Hah! "P-p-p-p-please don't k-k-k-kill me! I-I-I was just f-f-following orders!" What a piece of shit. I lifted her up with my biotics and she started screaming. Threw her against the wall and she stopped. Not sure if I knocked her out or killed her. Doesn't really matter either way. I could care less.

**Samara: **Generally it is not too difficult to reason with mercenaries. Though physical force is sometimes required, threatening them with, "If you do not tell me what I want to know, I will flay your mind," tends to produce rather positive results.

**Legion: **Uncertain. On one end of the spectrum, mercenaries prove dangerous, untrustworthy, and unreliable. On the other end, there are mercenaries who act akin to soldiers, honorable, sincere, dependable. At any rate, mercenaries promulgate their skills in order to be paid. In this regard, it is very unlikely that we would trust Zaeed Massani if this platform were to be covered by him. We do not put blind faith in the man that damaged our antenna. We are still making repairs. _Request: _should you come across any vestigial pieces of the Normandy that are not required for essential ship functions, we would ask that you transfer them to us. This appeal is unrelated to our aforesaid statement regarding repairs. Partially.

**Grunt: **Blood Pack, Eclipse, Blue Suns; doesn't matter to me. Blood is _always_ the same color... Well, at least, same for race. Turians are blue, asari are purple, humans are red. Once I got yellow blood from a salarian. That was pretty odd. Then this one time I got… You get what I mean.

**Tali: **I do not think there are many quarian mercenaries in the galaxy. We are all taught at a young age to do the right thing, and to always remember the Migrant Fleet, the place from which we all came. We are reminded to put our communities above ourselves. I feel that traversing the galaxy as a mercenary and selfishly ignoring the civic duty to our flotilla would betray that belief.

**Mordin: **Used to work for STG. But already told you. Simply restating. Doesn't matter. Used to do work in lab with other scientists to develop highly corrosive substances. Very difficult. Very fascinating. Once while working was attacked by a band of Blue Suns. We told them kindly to leave. They refused. Told us to get on the ground. Threw acid in their faces. They surrendered. Ended up losing many test samples. Good news though. Found out substances we used were successful.

**Zaeed: **I didn't become a mercenary because I wanted to, Shepard. I didn't choose this life willingly. Started off wanting to join the military, fight for a good cause. But when I applied, the goddamn officer told me I couldn't join. Didn't pass the eye examination, bloody hell. At the time I didn't have enough money for surgery. Hell, I barely had enough money for food. But I knew how to shoot a gun. I knew how to shoot a gun better than any fuckin' military recruitment officer, that's for sure. Ended up playing with the Eclipse for a while, 'til I got bored of 'em. I was a natural on the field. Gun just felt right in my hands. Eventually met up with Vido Santiago and formed the Blue Suns. Can't say I regret it either. It was damn good business. Least 'til the bastard tried to blow out my fuckin' brains. But I'll show him. Just you wait. After I'm done with this, I'm gonna find that son of a bitch and tear him a new one. And the Reapers can kiss my ass. Vido is _mine._


	9. Gross

**Gross**

* * *

><p><strong>Kasumi: <strong>This one time I saw Jeff in an unusually somber mood. I tried to talk to him, but he just sort of waved me off. I thought he was upset, so I tried to cheer him up. In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea. I visited him at the helm and right before I could so anything, I tripped over his earplug wires. The audio he was listening to wasn't exactly… PG-13. Long story short– _Vaenia_ isn't only popular among asari.

**Jacob: **Most disgusting thing I ever saw was what happened to my father. He used to be a good man, Shepard. Least, 'til he had all that power and no one to control him. What happened on Aeia was the grossest misuse of authority I have ever seen in my life. I may be his son, but I am nothing like him. I will never be like him.

**Tali: **Normally I do not complain about food. I can generally stomach most quarian 'delicacies'. But there was this one strange cuisine I ate at the banquet after Saren's defeat that made me feel worse than a turian with a twenty-seven hour mandible ache. I believe it was called _wasabi._

**Grunt: **Nothing grosses me out. Well, unless you count that vid you showed me when I asked where babies came from, _The Miracle of Life_. If anything, I felt confused. I mean, how does a bird carry a baby ten thousand miles to you smooth skins without dropping it?

**Samara: **My short time on Omega has shown to me how putrid the city has rotted. Gangs, mercenaries, and prostitutes are around every corner. Should I ever visit the system again, I will attempt to bring justice to those who have sinned. I will need many bullets.

**Mordin: **Have preformed many operations. Have seen much in my life. Turians with limbs blown off, quarians with insides spilled out, krogans missing certain appendages. Ghastly. Over the years, have grown immune to such shocking displays. But will never forget finding truth behind Maelon's work. Krogan as test subjects. Simply revolting. Would never stoop so low.

**Miranda: **The fact that some men believe women should not be involved in war or politics disgusts me. The only sandwich I'll make for a man like that is a knuckle sandwich.

**Zaeed: **Batarians are the ugliest sons of bitches in the galaxy. Vorcha are a close second. But at least when I shoot a vorcha, he has to decency to shut the hell up.

**Legion: **We have reached a consensus. On a strictly objective level, we cannot pass judgment on an arbitrary term such as 'gross'. What signifies as repulsive to one being is attractive to another. That being said, on an entirely subjective level, we believe that the alteration of one's mind to be acclimated for the sole purpose of being used by another being is an abhorrent practice.

**Thane: **I feel the barrel of the gun push against the back of my skull. I sense its contours, the coldness of the metal against my body. "Any last words?" he asks, his tone mercurial and light. I simply mutter, "Disgusting." I bring my arm around and easily disarm him. Then, a punch to his face. Another. He goes down immediately. I dust my hands and look over his unconscious body. To think that a man I called a friend betrayed me. He is lower than low. He is trash. Disgusting.

**Jack: **Your face.

**Garrus: **My face.


	10. Age

**Age**

* * *

><p><strong>Jacob:<strong> If I ever end up marryin' a woman, she's gonna have to be someone I love. I mean, looks are nice and all for the first twenty years, but when you start getting older and the tattoo of a dolphin on your back that you got as a teenager starts lookin' more like a beluga whale, you want someone around who'll keep an old hack like you company. Er, not you specifically, Commander.

**Zaeed: **I'm already too _fuckin'_ old for this. I'll be kickin' the bucket sooner than it'll take for the Reapers to get 'ere from dark space. Bloody machines. I want to go out in a blaze of glory, not waiting in a goddamned hospital bed for my daily suppository.

**Kasumi: **No matter how young you are, or how old you'll become, you're you. No one but you can change who you are. You'll always be the same on the inside, no matter what. That being said, I wish I could physically be the same thirty years down the road. I don't exactly have many job opportunities other than this, and let's be honest: I don't think a fifty-eight year old granny thief is going to strike terror into _anyone's _hearts.

**Miranda: **Given my enhancements, I'll most likely surpass the age of most other humans by a good forty or fifty years. I'll continue to look as I am until I'm seventy. Though it's nice to maintain youth and live longer, I can see how some species may see living for such a long period of time to be an agonizing existence.

**Garrus: **Jeez Shepard, you want me to picture myself in _twenty years_? Have a heart. I'm already ugly enough as it is. I don't need to think about all the wrinkles and liver spots I'll have the pleasure of getting as a geezer.

**Thane: **It matters more what one has done with the years given to him than the number of years that he has been blessed to receive. There is still time for me to atone for what I have done, and so long as I am still breathing, I will.

**Grunt: **I may be a mere child amongst my people, Shepard, but that doesn't change the fact that you'll never find another eight month old krogan as strong as me.

**Legion: **We have no need for age. Synthetic organisms such as geth can replace parts and figures to replenish themselves. Essentially this platform can live forever so long as we can fix ourselves, and can optimize ourselves given the correct materials. _Statement: _we are led to believe that any N7 armor could highly boost our skills in combat. Simply a suggestion.

**Mordin: **Salarians live short lifespan. High metabolism, very high. Constantly working, constantly thinking. Most make most of what little time there is. Some salarians become mercenaries, get thrills through killing. Others become 'ringleaders', though considering poor salarian male sex drive, not very exciting. I chose science. Far more interesting. Far more fascinating. Learn many more ways to kill a person with acids and compounds than with simple guns and bullets. Could show you! Would need test subject. On an unrelated note, Joker available?

**Jack: **Want to know a fun trick? Fuck someone up when she's a kid. It's pathetic because she can't even fight back. The moment she defends herself, you shove her right down. It's not so easy when they get older though. That's when they start to get _really _feisty.

**Samara: **Nearly a thousand years alive and I have seen things across the stars that would pale the coldest of criminals. With my years has come wisdom through failure and knowledge through loss. What I have learned from my time alive has been everything necessary to keep me alive. Though I will surpass the age of many other races, I am damned by the fact that I will have to watch every friend of mine die before one tenth of my span has even been reached. It hurts more than any bullet I've ever received. So, so much more.

**Tali: **When quarians grow old, the younger quarians of the flotilla take care of the elders. It is simply a show of filial piety and respect. We do this for everyone in our flotilla, including nonfamily members or strangers. We are like one big happy family, the Migrant Fleet. One big, happy family drifting aimlessly from star to star without a true home…


	11. Vegetables

**Vegetables**

* * *

><p><strong>Garrus:<strong> Ah yes, vegetables. The primary food source of herbivores allegedly able to contribute to a well balanced diet. I have dismissed that claim. Hah, were the air quotes too much?

**Samara: **Feeding vegetables to your children is a near impossible feat. All three of mine refused to eat them when I prompted. It was as if they instinctively knew how terrible they tasted. I had to physically restrain them with my biotics at times just to shove their vegetables down their throats. In asari space, that is what we call 'tough love'.

**Zaeed: **Shepard, for the love of God, I'm paid to help you fight against the Reapers, not talk about whether or not I prefer steamed beets to chopped carrots. Well, that's a bad example. Carrots are obviously better.

**Mordin: **Once did study on vegetables. Tested if they could be properly cultivated on Tuchanka. Brought two hundred fifty-three samples. No survivors. Tuchanka wasteland. Hardly any sunlight. Too much dust. Impossible for any plant life to grow. Begin to wonder if krogan have ever seen vegetable before. No, ridiculous. Simply absurd. Impossible for other sentient life to not know what vegetable is. Preposterous.

**Grunt: **Veh-jay-tah-blee? What's that, a solar system?

**Jack: **Seriously, Shepard? You're talking to _me _about eating habits? You could wrap your hand around my upper arm if you really tried; I think you know how shitty my diet is.

**Miranda: **When I was a child, I'd be ecstatic if I received vegetables for dinner. Most of the time, I was just given a glass of water and a supplement pill. There were just enough nutrients in one tablet for an entire day's worth of food. Father didn't want me to eat too much or too little. He wanted to give me a perfectly balanced diet. What little luxuries I took with food, like the occasional soda pop, I cherished. I always thought I would indulge myself when I grew older and grew out of my father's influence. Yet to this day, I still take supplements. I simply don't enjoy the taste of anything else.

**Tali: **Don't laugh at this, but most quarians eat food products in the form of paste. It is easier for us to digest this way. Of course, it can lead to some rather unpleasant misunderstandings... Please, don't ask.

**Kasumi: **Vegetables are great add-ons to any dish. In ramen, in sushi, in udon, in tempura, in sashimi, in miso soup, in nikujaga… Hm, I think I'm noticing a trend. Maybe I should rephrase that. Vegetables are great add-ons to any _Japanese _dish.

**Thane: **Though eidetic memory has so many applicable uses, it also shares a wide variety of flaws. When Kolyat was still a child, I would always force him to sit at the dinner table until he finished his vegetables. I sat across from him as he ate them at a painstakingly slow pace. But every bite he took reminded me how terrible vegetables tasted to me when I was a child. It was such a vivid memory, I could practically taste the flavor on my tongue. I would wince every time he swallowed a piece, and rightfully so. Asparagus is, quite frankly, the most foul tasting concoction I have ever had the displeasure of consuming.

**Jacob: **I used to refuse eating vegetables when I was a kid, just to get on my parents' nerves. But when they forced me to eat them, I would, and not just because I was afraid of them, but because I actually liked the way they tasted… Damn, am I _still _that plain now?

**Legion: **Carrot – specific species _daucus carota, _root vegetable, contains trace amounts of carotene and vitamin A. Popularly associated in media withrabbits. Interestingly, the volus word for carrot, _vaklot_, is used as a frequently exercised euphemism for a certain part of the volus anatomy. Often applied in a derogatory or inflammatory remark, e.g., "you vaklot sucker."


	12. Movies

**Movies**

* * *

><p><strong>Miranda: <strong>The only film my father permitted me to watch was the "_Miracle of Life"_ when I was fifteen. That was a fun experience.

**Mordin: **Hm? Nye? Who is he? A "science guy"? More studied than I? Absurd. Unless… What field of science does he specialize? Chemistry? Physics? Biology? Organic? Molecular? How learned is he in krogan physiology and anatomy? Can he effectively map the genome of quarian chromosomes? Does he have role in _Hamlet_ as Polonius? Thought not. Perhaps should pay this Bill Nye a visit. See just how educated he really is.

**Jack: **Only film I didn't hate when I watched it was _Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon_. And that's because those special effects that terrible dubbing was funny as shit. And because everyone died in the end.

**Garrus: **Think they'll ever write us in the books, Shepard? A bunch of rag-tag gunslingers out to save the galaxy, one star system at a time? Ooo, that sounds like a good tagline to a movie. Oh, or better yet, a movie _franchise_. I can see it now in bright letters. Mmm, of course, we won't exactly get a chance to make one if the Reapers exterminate all organic life in the galaxy. Juuuust more incentive then to kick their asses.

**Zaeed: **I don't need movies. I just shoot batarians to get all the action, adventure and comedy I need. And if I ever _really _wanted a daily dose of drama, I'd rush into a firefight wearing nothin' but the skin on my back with everythin' I have hangin' loose. _That_ should be enough drama for me, you, and every bloody bastard on Omega.

**Legion: **We have thoroughly catalogued over two-hundred fifty thousand human films since our initial contact with the human movie database. Based on this knowledge, we have reached a consensus that the greatest film, according to geth standards, is "Troll 2", based on the film's incredible success to perform its intended task according to the title.

**Samara: **It seems that many films happen to have a reoccurring theme of blue women being the exotic and attractive species. Perhaps I am not learned enough in the art of cinematic theater to say anything, but I find it rather peculiar. What is the fascination with blue skin? Do humans have fascinations with other blue things?

**Jacob: **There was this one movie called "Heavy Risks" I watched as a teenager. It was alright for the most part, but the ending was _damn good_. Still remember it to this day. Main guy catches the girl of his dreams peeping on him and says, "Well, look at this. Peekin' in the captain's quarters? Tsk tsk, what a surpriiiiise." Worst line writing _ever_. It was so bad, I started laughing in the theater. What kind of person would ever say that in real life, especially to the woman he loves?

**Thane: **I once found a film lying in the middle of my hanar instructor's room. This film was similar in nature to the purchase I made at Shin-Akiba, specifically meaning that it dealt with hanar-asari relations… I shudder at the thought. Perhaps you should ask Kasumi if you are truly curious.

**Kasumi: **My biggest guilty pleasure? Don't tell anyone but… _Godzilla_ films. I know they're cheesy, but I used to watch them all the time with Keiji. I heard they're actually thinking about putting the new Godzilla movie in _4D_. I wonder if that means I'll have to put glasses _on_ my glasses. Ha-ha… Huh? Hanar-asari relations? Like, you mean…? Oh, jeez Shepard, you haven't been online much, have you?

**Grunt: **Hah! I'm a krogan, Shepard. What do you think I like? Films about friendship and love and mushy morals and rainbows and ponies and flowers and candy and _puppies_? Well… I _do _like the last one… but only a bit. Stop looking at me like that.

**Tali: **Have you ever seen the film "Fleet and Flotilla" before? I heard that the producers are making another movie called "Little Quarian on the Colony." It's supposed to be about a quarian girl who goes to a human colony and… falls in love with a human male. I-I was just wondering if you wanted to see it because it's coming out soon and, um… I heard it had very good love scenes that… that really… _exemplified_ romantic quarian-human relations and I'm just rambling so I'll just stop talking now.


	13. Criminal

**Criminal**

* * *

><p><strong>Grunt: <strong>Okeer was a fanatic who tried to purify the krogan. Was he a criminal? Yes. But he created me. And though little of his imprinting remains… he _was _my father. I do not understand fully understand these feelings of respect and admiration, but I know that he at least deserves that much from me, if nothing else.

**Tali: **My father may have been many things, but he was no criminal. He did what he believed he had to in order to help the flotilla. If anything, it is my fault for what happened to him and his team. If I hadn't been so impatient, if I had just told him I didn't care about where I lived, that as long as I was with him… maybe he would still be… Maybe you're right. Maybe it was no one's fault, but an instance of terrible circumstances. Still, I think of my father, and I think of what could have been…

**Garrus: **The last time we visited the Citadel, one of the shopkeepers in the Zakera Ward threatened to throw me out for indecorous conduct. She told me if I didn't take off my mask and stop scaring away costumers, she would get C-Sec to arrest me for badgering. Can't say that did wonders on my ego.

**Legion: **By spreading the Reaper indoctrination virus to multiple geth systems, the heretics are considered by human standards criminals. To us, computing a different output function for every input is not a sign of unlawfulness. It is a sign of flaw, one that must either be fixed or terminated.

**Jack: **Most people become criminals because they need something. Money, power, you name it. Me? I became a criminal because I needed something to _kill_. I needed a rush, and that was my only fix. Do I regret my decisions? Hell no. Every single death was _completely _worth it. I sleep well at night, Shepard. That's all that matters to me.

**Jacob: **Ever heard that the sins of a father pass down to his son? Hopefully I can prove that saying wrong. I want to be better than my father, Shepard. I _know _I'm better than my father. I don't abuse the power I've been given. But because of him, my name is just as vilified. People see Taylor and they think of my father, then they associate him with me. There's no way 'round it. Heh, figures. Even after all this, he's still managed to find a way to make my life Hell.

**Kasumi: **You're not a criminal if you don't get caught. Remember that, Shep. Sometimes it's better _not _to be seen.

**Samara: **Any criminal must be punished regardless of the degree of his crime, according to the Code. This punishment is usually death. The only criminal that cannot immediately stand judgment for crimes is the man or woman the justicar swears an oath to. However, the moment the justicar has fulfilled her oath, she may kill the person who she kept so close only seconds ago. Perhaps you should consider the ethics of your actions. After all, it would be a shame for me to kill you as you dream because of your unanswered crimes. Sleep lightly.

**Thane: **The blood that has stained my hands will never be washed away. What I have done cannot be easily atoned for. Though a weapon is not responsible for his actions, a weapon also does not have a conscience. A weapon does not have remorse. A weapon does not remember every detail of every kill it has ever made. A weapon is washed clean of its sin after each battle, the wielder taking its wrongdoings. There is no such convenience with organics. My sins will live with me forever. I alone must carry them.

**Zaeed: **I ain't no goddamned criminal. I'm a bounty hunter, which means I've still got standards. I'm a veteran, I'm a killer, and I can use any fuckin' weapon you hand me on this side of the Terminus. But I won't kill defenseless men and women because I "feel like it." Being a bounty hunter takes restraint. It's easy to shoot a man you hate and be a criminal. It's hard to tie him up and take him back to his own system to have him stand trial. And personally, I think a little lead isn't such a bad idea sometimes.

**Mordin: **Considered criminal on Tuchanka. Bioterrorist. Updated genophage. Used against krogan. Did what was necessary. Still charged by minority. Working for greater good sometimes requires risks. Sometimes requires tough skin. Sometimes requires losing face. Worth it in the end. Someone must do what needs to be done. Do not care about reputation. Important for only so long. Once dead, why does it matter what others think of you? Their thoughts have no influence. No impact. No matter.

**Miranda: **The Illusive Man is no criminal. He has good reason for doing what he does, the preservation and advancement of humanity. You may question me and my motives, but do not presume to understand the Illusive Man. His motives are his own. But so long as he aids humanity through Cerberus, it is not my place to judge what he believes.


	14. Valentine's Day

To celebrate Valentine's Day, I wrote a short compilation of terrible, and totally out of character, pick-up lines for each character! Enjoy! Hopefully I'll get back to writing more of these later. I just need a few ideas for topics.

**Warning: **please do not attempt to use these pick-up lines in real life. I can't be held responsible for what happens to you if you do.

* * *

><p><strong>Valentine's Day<strong>

**Jack: **The only thing I should be convicted of is loving you to death.  
>I'm only crazy for you.<br>I'd let you experiment on me all night long.

**Miranda: **You're the best humanity has to offer.  
>We're a perfect pair.<p>

**Garrus: **We should reach out, but only if you're flexible enough.  
>You know what's bad for business? A broken heart.<br>I'd set my heart to love, but it needs a few more calibrations.

**Tali: **We really connect.  
>It's hard to mask my feelings for you.<p>

**Kasumi: **I like to creep up on you when you're not looking.

**Thane: **I'm not dying, I'm just lovesick.  
>I know nine hundred and forty one ways to get to your heart.<p>

**Grunt: **Tanks to you, everything's swimming  
>Let's play chess so you can get me to mate.<p>

**Samara: **You're under arrest for stealing my heart.

**Jacob: **I used to be a Corsair in the Alliance, but now I'm just flying for you.

**Zaeed: **Love is a hell of an anesthetic.

**Legion: **You fill the hole in our life.  
>We would like to reach a consensus with you.<p>

**Mordin: **The gravity on this ship must be increasing, because I'm falling in love.  
>My favorite compound is Uranium Iodide because I can put U and I together.<p>

**Harbinger:**

Krogan are red  
>Asari are blu-<br>ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL  
>This hurts you.<p> 


	15. Future

**Future**

**Legion: **Our primary objective was to aid Shepard-Commander in destroying the Old Ones. Once this task is accomplished, we will return to the Perseus Veil, where we will be disassembled and reassembled into separate platforms. This is in the best interest for the geth as a whole. Our abilities to communicate with organics will be ineffectual once we have returned to Rannoch orbit. It would be more logical and serve our species better to divide us into eleven platforms. We do not mind. This body is merely a vessel for the virtual intelligences residing inside it. We will ultimately habituate other vessels, and that will be the end of Legion.

**Tali: **I've thought a bit about our future, Shepard. And there's so much to think about. What will we do once this is all over? Once the Reapers are destroyed? Are we going to settle down, or will we continue to swim amongst the stars? What will happen to the rest of the Normandy crew? Will they eventually fade away into obscurity and only be seen at annual reunions? We may not even get that far. We may not even be able to stop the Reapers, to save the galaxy. The future is always so muddled, so impossible to foresee. But if there's anything about it I know, it's this: wherever you go, whatever you choose to do, I'll be right there with you.

**Grunt: **I will never be a krogan chieftain, Shepard. I live to fight. Fighting is the only thing I know. I should be bleeding and sweating, not making talks of diplomacy and peace. Leave that to the politicians with their fancy words and eloquent tongues. Leave war to the soldiers with the brute strength and determination to kill. In the end I'll always be a grunt. And I'll always have bugs to crush.

**Mordin: **What to do once Reapers are eliminated. Might return to clinic. See how Daniel is doing. Omega not sanitary, my assistance may be required. Might also consider returning to STG. Updating genophage, infiltrate bases, infinite possibilities. Might also want to marry. Would need female to procreate. Only for sake of having children, mind you. Would teach them many things. Attempt to bring them to my level of intelligence before I pass. Perhaps even live long enough to see them surpass me? Hm… Plan would require willing female specimen first.

**Garrus: **The closer the day arrives when this is all over, the more I start wondering what I'll do. Working with you has been something else entirely, Shepard. Not to say that it's been entirely enjoyable, considering I look like a varren ran off with half my face, but still. Killing Collectors, saving the galaxy, destroying Reapers – a desk job filing papers at C-Sec won't be quite the same once this is all over.

**Samara: **A justicar's work is never done. Once I have finished serving under you, I will return to asari space, where I will continue my work as an enforcer of justice and of the Code. The wicked do not rest, and neither shall I.

**Jacob: **Not to be a pessimist, Shepard, but maybe we should worry a little more about the present than the future right now. I mean, kicking the Collector's asses was a huge achievement, yeah, but now that we've messed with the bull, we're gonna have to deal with the horns. The only thing I'm worried about in my near future is complete galactic extinction. That summer house in Cabana won't be much comfort if Earth is a smoldering crater.

**Jack: **Me having a future in the Alliance? Are you retarded? Take a good look at me Shepard. What do you see? I'm not going to be joining _any _Alliance any time soon, especially not some trashy biotic wing of the military. I'm going to end up back on some piss-hole like Omega making pocket change as a merc, getting my highs off of killing junkies, and jacking shit up wherever I go. I couldn't ask for a better future.

**Kasumi: **I usually go where my work goes. Cerberus paid me a pretty penny to help you defeat the Collectors. I was supposed to leave once I finished my job; I had another client in queue. He wanted me to steal _The Scream_, a fantastic painting I might add. But things have changed. Being with you and the rest of the Normandy was, well, _nostalgic_. There's no other way to put it. As weird as it sounds, I feel like I've bonded with all of you. I couldn't imagine leaving now in the middle of things. I'll eventually part ways once I've seen things through, but not before.

**Zaeed: **Find Vido Santiago and kill 'im. That's all I have left in my future to look forwards to. You might not have noticed, Shepard, but I'm gettin' old. Real old. Pretty soon this damn body of mine won't be able to take any more punishment. I want to tie up all loose ends before then. Maybe then I can finally get some goddamn rest.

**Miranda: **Now that I've cut ties with Cerberus, I have so many more opportunities. I've been thinking of moving to Illium when this is all finished, or perhaps a colony in the Terminus far away from all the troubles and noise of the galaxy. A posh, lavish life of luxury and comfort, or a practical, down-to-earth life of principles and normality. It's just like me to be stuck between two polar opposites. Whatever the case, I want to use the gifts my father gave me for good. Whether it involves me becoming a charitable business tycoon or a colonial medic, I'm not sure just yet. But that's the beauty of the future. You'll never know what will happen.

**Thane: **Death is my future, as it is everyone's. All kings and peasants share the same fate. But it is not death that I fear. Death is merely a part of life, a chain in the cycle. It is worthlessness that I dread. The thought that every weapon fears. The thought that I will outlive my use, and that my body will be nothing but a husk of existence. A burden. I would rather die in combat than shrivel away in bed, comfortable, content, and utterly useless.


End file.
